Nicola Bennett | Trauma & EMDR Therapist | Sudbury, Suffolk & Online UK
“It happened a long time ago. Shouldn’t I be over it by now?”
Maybe you've noticed certain situations affecting you more strongly than they seem to affect other people. You might struggle with self-doubt, find it difficult to trust others, feel overwhelmed by criticism, put everyone else’s needs before your own, or find yourself repeating patterns that don't make sense to you.
Perhaps you've heard EMDR can help with childhood trauma, and you're wondering how it works and whether it could help you.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a therapy that can help people process experiences from childhood that continue to affect the way they think, feel and respond in the present.
What is childhood trauma?
Childhood trauma isn’t always one major event. For some people, it builds through repeated experiences over time, particularly when they felt unsafe, unsupported, criticised, neglected or frightened.
It can come from experiences such as abuse, bullying, emotional neglect, growing up around conflict, witnessing violence, or living in an environment that felt unpredictable or unsafe. Sometimes it’s linked to specific events. At other times, it’s the accumulation of experiences over many years.
Children depend on the adults around them to help them feel safe and supported. When those needs aren’t consistently met, it can shape the way they learn to see themselves, other people and the world around them.
How can childhood trauma affect us as adults?
When early experiences were frightening, overwhelming or emotionally difficult, their impact can continue long into adulthood.
Some people notice that certain situations trigger reactions that feel much bigger than the situation itself: a raised voice, a critical comment, someone pulling away. Others find themselves repeating the same patterns in relationships or at work, even when part of them wishes things could be different.
It can be confusing when present-day situations bring up feelings that seem much older. You may know you’re no longer that child, yet part of you still responds as though you’re back there.
It’s not that you haven’t moved on. It’s that part of you learned to survive, and it’s still doing its job.
How can EMDR help with childhood trauma?
EMDR helps people process experiences that continue to affect them in the present.
During EMDR, a memory is briefly brought to mind while using bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, tapping or tones, to help the brain process what it couldn’t at the time. As processing unfolds, many people find the memory feels less raw and more clearly rooted in the past.
With childhood experiences, EMDR can also help shift the beliefs that formed back then, such as “I’m not good enough”, “It was my fault” or “I’m not safe”, towards something kinder and more balanced.
We can work with earlier memories, present-day situations that set off strong reactions, and how you’d like to feel and respond in the future.
EMDR doesn’t get rid of the memory or make you forget what happened. Instead, it helps the brain process the experience so it has less impact on how you think, feel and respond today. Many people describe feeling as though they’re remembering the experience rather than reliving it.
What if I don't remember everything?
Many people worry that EMDR won't work if they can't remember every detail of what happened in childhood.
Childhood memories aren't always clear or complete, particularly when experiences happened repeatedly over a long period of time. Some people remember certain events very clearly, whilst others have gaps in their memory or only remember how they felt.
EMDR does not require you to have a complete memory of everything that happened. EMDR can work with the memories, feelings, physical sensations, triggers or beliefs that continue to affect you in the present.
Often, the focus isn't on remembering more. It's on understanding and processing the experiences that continue to have an impact today.
We won’t go looking for memories that aren’t there. We work with what you bring.
Do I have to talk about everything that happened?
No. EMDR doesn’t require you to talk through every detail of what happened. I’ll ask for some brief information before we begin, and during processing you’ll only be asked to share very briefly what you’re noticing.
You’re always in control of how much you share. For many people, that comes as a relief, especially if talking about what happened in detail feels overwhelming. You can read more about this in What is EMDR?
Could EMDR be right for me?
If experiences from childhood still affect how you feel about yourself, your relationships or how you react to everyday situations, EMDR may be worth considering. However long ago it was, what matters most is whether part of you still feels affected by it today.
EMDR isn’t suitable for everyone at every stage of therapy. Before we begin, we’ll spend time understanding what has brought you to therapy and making sure you feel steady and resourced enough for the work. With childhood experiences, this preparation may take a little longer, and that’s okay. Together, we’ll decide whether EMDR feels like the right approach for you.
What happened when you were young wasn’t your fault, and you don’t have to keep carrying it on your own.
To learn more about EMDR therapy and whether it may be right for you, you can visit my EMDR Therapy page. If you have any questions, you're welcome to get in touch.